The Orphan Punks

The Orphan Punks Began Initially In The Winter Of 1992. Brothers Darrell Bass And Brian Drums Masterson Honestly That's Their Middle Names Had Just Split From Their Band Bangkok Shock And Were Looking To Do Something Different. Having Already Been In Several Chicago Bands They Didn't Feel That The Chicago Scene Had The Musicians They Needed So They Began A Nationwide Search For A Guitarist And Vocalist. They Put Out The Word To Anyone That Would Listen And Eventually Got Hooked Up With Guitarist Stacie Cannon Former EZ To Pleaz From Nashville Tennessee And The Three Of Them Began Talking About The Possibilities Of Starting A Band.
As Pure Happenstance Would Have It I Had Recently Found A Phone Number For Stacie A Guitarist Whom My Previous Band Harlequin Shayme Had Played Shows With Several Years Earlier. I Called Stacie To See What He Was Up To And He Told Me That His Band Had Just Broken Up. I Hadn't Talked To The Guy In Years But I Knew He Was Great On Stage And Had More Hair Than Dee Snider So I Asked If He Wanted To Try To Start A Band. I Was Living In Chattanooga Tennessee At The Time And Nashville Was About 5 Or 6 Hours Away. I Guess I Decided I Would Move To Nashville If He Wanted To Start A Band But Before I Could Wrap My Head Around What I Had Just Committed To. He Asked If I Would Consider Moving To Chicago For The Right Band. Hell I Was Already A Chicago Cub Fan So I Figured Worst-Case Scenario Is I Get To See Wrigley Field Maybe Lose My Southern Accent And Then Come Back Home. Stacie Put Me In Touch With Brian And Darrell And We Swapped Our Demos And Photos And Started Talking On The Phone. In February Of 1993 Stacie And I Drove To Chicago To Meet The Twins And See If We Meshed. The Only Song We All Knew Was "Surrender" By Cheap Trick And We Probably Played It 50 Times Over The Course Of A Weekend. Had We Stayed A Week The Band Never Would Of Formed But Over A Weekend We Meshed. Stacie And I Moved Up A Month Later And Almost Immediately Realized That We Were Polar Opposites…like A Fuckin' Genesis Song "tell Me It's Black When I Know That It's White" Etc. The Orphan Punks In That Incarnation Only Lasted About 6 Months But We Were Destined To Shamelessly Self Promote Our New Ensemble. We Recorded A Couple Demos And Were Getting Pretty Steady Airplay With Songs We Had Written For Danny Bonaduce's Radio Show In Chicago We Took Out Full Page Ads In Chicago Music Magazines Announcing Our Arrival On The Scene…Then Stacie Fell In Love. Good For Him Bad For The Rest Of Us.
Stacie Got A Girlfriend And Cared Less And Less About Rehearsal We Used To Actually Place Bets On How Long We Could Keep Him At Band Practice If He Even Showed Up At All.
He Once Even Pretended To Faint At Band Practice In An Attempt To Cut The Night Short. Brian Darrell And Myself Could Barely Contain Our Laughter As He "fell" To The Ground. It Was The First Time Any Of Us Had Ever Witnessed An Unconscious Man Put His Hands Down To Break His Fall. A Sheer Miracle I Tell Ya. So As He Lay "unconscious" On The Floor We Did What Any Self-Respecting Person Would Do…we Called The Paramedics. As Soon As The EMT Mentioned "putting A Line In Him" He Was Snapped Awake Instantly…better Than Smelling Salts Unless Of Course Someone Had Actually Fainted.
Anyway This Was The Last Straw And We Asked Him To Leave The Band The Next Day As He Left Band Practice For The Last Time The Orphan Punks Were Being Played On The Radio And Suddenly We Found Ourselves Without A Guitarist. I'm Sure At Some Point Stacie Will Read This And For Him It Will Confirm What He Already Believed That I'm A Prick. Maybe I Am But It's Not Because Of Anything I've Written Here. It's All True. I Genuinely Wish Him The Best Of Luck And Hope That He Married That Girl And That They Have A Beautiful Life And Family Together. I Actually Owe The Guy Quite A Bit. He Was A Catalyst Into Some Of The Best Years Of My Life. Too Bad He Wasn't Around When The Shit Actually Became Fun. read less